Servanthood

Ephesians 3:1-12

“I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God’s grace given me through the working of God’s power, Although I am less than the least of God’s people, this grace was given to me.” Vs 7-8a

I waited intentionally before I wrote this devotional at the probable frustration of our fearless leader, Michelle. It was originally intended for the Advent Devotional used for Worship and Contemplation during the Advent season, however I feel compelled to share it here as there is much in my head as of late. Let's see if anyone reads this blog.

I came upon a situation in late October that has reshaped my vision of leadership and servant-hood for the Gospel.
I thought previously, that being a leader and being a disciple for Christ meant that I had to engage and even turn up my already energetic personality. I was so wrong.
I had the privilege not so long ago to sit with a person in the most bottom depths of despair and confusion. For most of the day, I did not reveal to this person that I worked full time in ministry; I felt simply called to come alongside this person and be the light of Christ. It was not easy. I was ushered into a portion of this person’s life that few ever see. I stared face-to-face with life and death, despair and sorrow. When my natural instinct would be to talk endlessly and offer a million solutions, I could only sit in silence, listen, and pray. I could not change the circumstances and I could not control another’s actions or responses. I had to let the Holy Spirit guide my words and footsteps and trust. I had to be a servant of the Gospel in the most quiet and unassuming method possible.
This called me out of my comfort zone. Those that know me understand me to be an energetic and creative young woman. I am. What I am also called to be is a servant and a servant understands that there are times to speak and times to listen. A servant understands that they may help in a situation, but the Master makes the ultimate decision. A servant understands that quiet diligence is much more powerful than all the flowery speeches and creative ideas combined.
After that time spent on a gorgeous Monday, I understood clearly the mission of Jesus to preach and teach to those in the lowest pits. I understand that while I may have gifts and talents, my greatest gift is to listen to that still, small voice telling me that even I, little Cindy, have the honor to be a servant of Christ.

Senseless and Sad

I came back from a weekend away in the beautiul Black Hills of South Dakota wherein I dropped off my travel companion. Upon arriving on Sycamore she and I were puzzled to find bears and flowers, a memorial by the side of the road. She commented that it must be for a kid who had passed away. Unaware of any such tragedy I endeavored to travel home, as I drove past the McDonald's on 26th right before the 229 turnoff I saw the billboard commemorating Ashleigh. Still puzzled I grabbed my cell phone and placed a call to my mother who told me of the accident this past weekend. My heart sank.
I was a teacher, and hold dear the connections with kids whom I was able to relate. I wish in many of these type of circumstances I could take kids by the shoulders and shake them a bit. I have been to too many funerals where young people are involved in, or are the victim of senseless accidents. A fellow blogger I know, talked this weekend about lives being too precious to waste trying for the next biggest "high". I would have to agree wholeheartedly. The more I continue to age, and the more I see my sons grow I understand the precious gift that we have been awarded. It is just that, a gift. It is not to be taken for granted or abused or thrown away. God talks in the Old Testament of our lives being a breath, or a puff of air. One breath, that is all it takes my friends.
What am I saying? I am bothered today. I do not know Ashleigh, nor do I know the other individuals involved in this weekend's accident. I do know that a high school will be in turmoil and a good many people's lives will be irreversibly affected. Take a moment today, breathe in the beautiful fall air, feel it fill your lungs and travel the length your body and be THANKFUL that today, at this moment, it is yours. Today is yours to make a difference and make an impact, and please, be so very careful out there.

Just thinking

Hello all. I cannot believe the summer is gone and school will resume here next week. It is not possible that time flies this fast, is it?
I woke up on Tues. morning to the realization that my baby is now 4 months old and my oldest son will start Sunday School this year. EEEh gads. What will those teachers do with a whole roomful of little three year olds?
That brings me to the issue I bring forth today. Teachers. God Bless them. Whether they are teaching in a school setting, in a church, or office, wherever, God Bless them. They are a vital part of the learning process in school and at church. Not everyone has the gift of teaching and I am grateful each day that there are phenomenal teachers in so many areas.
At Asbury, we are blessed to have on staff some outstanding teachers working with youth and adults, when you get a chance to thank them or watch them in action take a minute and do just that. There are a number of adults with a wealth of information leading classes throughout the year. We are lucky to have them among us. We also have at the helm of the children's area some wonderful volunteers who give of their time and prayers to shepherd the young people. I feel better knowing when I take my son to Sunday School he will be cared for and nurtured in the best way possible.
After I wipe my eyes when I drop him off at his classroom I will breathe a sigh of relief that he is in a safe place and having a blast. I will also giggle and thank my lucky stars that I am not in that room with all those 3-4 year olds. They have enough energy to power the US a couple times over.
I simply wanted to take the moment I had for this blog to extend my thanks and good wishes to all those attending and teaching classes this year. Education is such a wonderful privilege and it is so generously supported here at Asbury. Bravo, and have a super year.

Vbs Teaches Me More than Expected

Hello there I write this after a reprieve from Vacation Bible School last week. Don't get me wrong, it was awesome and the kids had a great time, it is just a lot of work and effort to make something like that come off without a hitch. Weather and torrential rains notwithstanding, we had a great time.
I had the chance to be present and watching kids this year, and what a treat that was. I was able to stand back and watch the interaction of the helpers and the kids. It was so cool. I think one of my favorite moments was watching the kids embrace mealtime as we did it family style. Instead of grabbing food and being rambunctious, they passed food and engaged in conversation around their tables. Quite civilized for a bunch of 3 year old - fifth graders.
There was another moment that struck my heart quite forcefully, 2 actually. on Thurs. I asked the children if they knew who the guest person coming for the day was. After numerous guesses, one little one said, "Jesus." I replied that He was already here, that he was here with us all the time. My son, Xavier, was sitting next to me on the step and told me that Jesus was here, "in my heart." WOW. There is little I can say in response to that. What a lesson from a 3 year old. How unafraid he was to express himself and how he felt. It reminded me of the song from Newsboys..."I'm not ashamed." If you have not heard the song, I encourage you to check it out.
The second moment came later Thurs. night after the program. A mother came up to talk to me afterward and in tears she mentioned that she was so thankful that her daughter had had the chance to sing songs like she did when she was a girl. I was taken aback at the urgency with which she spoke and then I looked at her daughter. Here they were in a moment of sharing and experiencing God together and I was able to see it. What a privilege. That is what I think relational ministry is, that is what God does. Move quietly, and then Wham, reveals something completely unexpected. Keep your eyes open.

meandering thoughts

I was reading in a book that Pastor Dar gave me from Reuben Job the other day. The readings for last week in particular struck me as poignant. The reflections talked about making a personal investment in the lives of people as we serve in ministry. I have thought long and hard about that. I find that that call in ministry could have a fine line. How does one do ministry correctly and personally while also keeping oneself intact. How does one define the line between personal and relational, and is there a line?
I think of Jesus' ministry where he made a specific point in becoming relational with his disciples, even going so far as to describe one that he loved. He even gave John the charge of taking care of Mary, his mother, upon his death and resurrection. I wonder tho, in the grand scheme, if Jesus was lonely? I know that may sound elementary, but in my mere human sense I wonder how he recharged his batteries? Did he not need to do so? Am I way off my rocker to even suggest such a concept? I know not.
I guess I was thinking about it in terms of the call to relational and personal ministry. It would be easy to be in relationships with those with whom one works, and yet the line must be drawn and adhered. I hope I am making some sense, if anyone has any ideas, please write back, it is not always helpful to keep talking to myself. I asks myself, but i get no answers. ~cal~

newest addition Atticus Walkar Larson

back by popular demand.

Wow, has my life been a whirlwind of activity these last weeks. Six weeks ago I had a bouncing baby boy, Atticus Walkar. He, and my son Xavier, are the joys of my life. However, I feel a tinge of guilt. I took both boys to Daycare this morning. I trust my provider implicitly. She is a God-centered woman, with the best for the children in her care at heart. She takes the care of others' children as a top priority....however....I can't but feel guilty that I am at work and someone else is watching and interacting with my boys.
I know that when they go to school I will have someone else watching them and their life will take on new meaning, but the age-old battle for a woman as to whether or not to place children in daycare is a hard one to bolster. I am torn for want of adult conversation and responsibilities and the ones i have for my children. Is it horrible that I want to be out in the work force and seeing and interacting with people who don't watch Wonder Pets? Am I out of my mind?
I told my oldest the other day that mommy was going out with the girls for a night to play. When he asked why I told him it was so mommy would be a better mommy when she comes back. Do we forget to take breaks? I know I do.
I learned that these past weeks. I need to know when my limit has been reached, otherwise I am no good for anyone, not even in ministry. It is soooo easy to let that time for myself slide, in all areas. I can do my bible study later, I can pray later when I have time. The time is now.
I got off track there. Sorry. I think I am ready for a transition, and want to embark on something exciting. What that is, remains to be revealed.
Pray for me as I struggle with the working mom issue....if anyone has thoughts, let me know, I miss hearing from people. ~cal~

Is it the Season

Is it the season, or is it simply me? I feel in a slow motion mode. I sometimes feel like I am banging my head against the wall. This is more about me than anything else. In our Acts study this morning I was struck by a passage of scripture that warns people against certain activity. The last line says, " You would do well to avoid these things" I have to kinda giggle at that one. As a parent I can tell my son to rethink something, but that in no way means he is going to do so. I know eventually he will act on his own accord and vault himself from the top of the couch. There is nothing I can do to stop him...I can tell him a million times to not do something, alas, the minute I tell him no, he is bound to do that very thing anyway. Kids, gotta love 'em.
I am like that. God can warn me all He wants, and yet I seem reluctant to do what I know I should. I know I should do more for the Gospel, I should reach out more, I should give more, the list is endless. I should also be more content with my current station. I find myself wanting more. Bigger ideas, more people to reach, more of an impact to make, this list also seems endless. The more I want to do and accomplish, the more I question my motivation and then I feel all confused again. I guess if it were easy, it would not be worth as much as it is in the long run. Sometimes, though, I just feel like banging my head against the wall and yelling out, " What does all this mean?"

Things that make you go mmmmm.....

Ok, so I ripped the lyric for the title from a band in the early 90's. If anyone remembers the name, please rekindle my memory so as no to steal.

I am in a confused state as I wrestle with the collision of a secular world versus the christian realm. The number of outpouring of generosity and love that has come in the recent weeks in my life has been incredible. People from Asbury have been so supportive and loving that it takes my breath away. On the flip side, the collision of my life that involves those not following a christian path is so diversely different, it is hard to get my head around it much of the time. Is that an insane conundrum?

I am trying to remain non judgmental and loving and simply accept where people are, but sometimes it is hard no to hold people to the same set of expectations that I hold for myself. Jesus calls us to love all people without regard, am I the only one currently struggling with this call? I don't know....For the first time in many moons, I have nothing more to say....scary isn't it.

Pondering

I was especially struck this morning by a song played in our staff devotions by our guest, Bruce Millikan. the song came from Fate's Right Hand and is entitled, Adam's Song. Aside from the obvious message contained in the lyrics about the loss felt here on earth when someone passes is the overwhelming theme of Strength that came across so poignantly.
The chorus reads; "We'll take each new day to give what we need to do our part
While we're learning how to live with a lifelong broken heart."
What powerful words. Contained in that chorus is the thought that even though a definite darkness has fallen and will fall there is action to be taken by those left in the aftermath of whatever situation may have occurred.
Bruce mentioned that the first time he heard the song, his mind immediately went to a specific thought, and the more he heard the song, a different meaning comes across loud and clear. I always hearken that as a sign of a song well written.
I believe it is safe to assume that each one of us has those lifelong broken heart places. Whether it be a relationship, a past regret, an unfortunate passing, whatever it may be, the remnants of that situation linger far into the future and can and do shape our viewpoints for the future. The challenge is to live while we are learning. What can we learn from that heartache today that we were not able to see yesterday or five years ago.
My mind travels to Mary, the mother of Jesus, as I read these lyrics. I cannot begin to anticipate the anguish she must have felt to see what was happening to her son on the cross. Yet, she bravely and faithfully allowed Him to carry out His mission. As a parent we want to save our children from any pain possible, and here was her son bearing all of our pain for eternity. She lived what it meant in the song to "take each new day to give what we need to do our part." Even more amazing is the attitude she took after His death to go about what she knew she needed to do. In spite of a heart full of sorrow and anguish, she showed incredible strength in picking up and caring for what was left. What an awesome example she sets for us.
Not that I am saying any of that would have been easy for Mary, nor is it any easier for any of us. I know sometimes I am whomped along the side of my head by something from the past that it almost takes my breath away. That is happening in my life here as of late, but I have a couple of choices.
I can wallow, i can let it derail me and cause a quandry of faith. Or I can seek to learn how to live with that piece of information, I can learn how it shapes me, and I can learn how to let it further God's Kingdom.
If you feel like checking out the song quoted here the Artist is Rodney Crowell with Adam's Song from the album, Fate's Right Hand